Yes, you read that correctly and no, it isn’t spam. It’s the truth. I lost 105 pounds this week and let me tell you my weight loss secret:
Ship those kids back to school.
Now it took me two days because they go to 2 different schools, in two different systems. So Tuesday morning, in the blink of an eye, 55 pounds of “What’s for lunch today?” “When are we going to the pool?” “Can I have Patrick come to play?” “Why did Patrick’s parents go on vacation for two weeks?” “Why did they take Patrick?” “Why don’t we go on vacation for two weeks?” was out the door and on his way. 3rd graders, he informed me, DO NOT have their moms walk them to class on the first day. (No matter that he was going with his friend and his friend’s mom–he wasn’t going with HIS mom.) So that was the relatively painless phase of my 2 day weight loss program.
Then came Wednesday. New school. New teacher. Crappy awful temporary building. Mass confusion because of crappy, temporary building that is meant to house half the number of students they have shoehorned in. This is Matthew’s fourth school in four years–every time he gets used to the rules, boundaries and expectations, they move him. So here we are again, but this time faced with the mass confusion that comes when you move an entire school. I felt like saying to one of the other complaining parents, “Welcome to my world.” So into this melee, I drag Matthew and neither of us were amused. And while the weight fell off the day before in a barely noticeable fashion, these 50 pounds came off like ripping a large band aid off. And not quickly. So a meltdown, lots of tears, sobs and just plain old fashioned panic later, he was in the new class and I was sent packing. I’m not admitting to any of the above, at least not until I got to the car.
Then the miracle happened. The kids’ beloved Jessica, who has looked after them since Matthew was born, (really, truly, we’d adopt her if it was legal and not weird thing to do to a 20+ year old), well, she just graduated from college and is doing her student teaching. She was assigned to another school, but at the last minute was moved. So I get a text message as I get into the car, feeling like I’ve had the weight removed with a chainsaw and no anesthesia:
Been moved. To Matthew’s school. Will watch over him. Love, J
So I might have cried some more.