Okay, I freely admit that I love action films. Die Hard. The Terminator. Bond anything. Indiana Jones. And the Bourne flicks. Give me a good action film, and I’m right there, popcorn mixed with Raisinets in hand, happy as a clam as I clutch at my husband when I get scared and peer through my fingers when it gets really tense. But what gets my theater ticket in a knot is when an action flick implies a romance but never follows through. Boo. Hiss.
Note to self: Never date an action film director. Obviously these are the sort of guys who promise to call the next day . . . and never do.
I am in angst over all this because we went to see The Bourne Ultimatum last weekend. Now, I’m not a huge fan of the choppy, fast paced editing that they’ve done with these films, but I like Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. I’ll put up with the headache 2 hours of jiggling scene shots gives me for some great action. If you haven’t see it yet, read no further as there is some spoilers contained below. Thus warned, I continue.
Let us take the case of Jason Bourne. You see I always knew there was more to whole Nicky Parsons, sweet little CIA operative and Jason Bourne. Turns out there was. But of course, to our can’t-have-a-camera-cut-last-more-than-3-seconds director, such a relationship might mean character development of actually having breakfast with her. In public. And maybe even holding hands. Can you see the action boys in Hollywood all standing on their chairs saying “Ewwww!” Instead, their quite possibly torrid love affair is now all in Jason’s past, a past he can’t remember. If I’d been Nicky, I think I would have tried a little harder to help him remember. If you know what I mean.
So to combat this horrible injustice to romance, I have come up with the following. What I like to call, The Boyle Ultimatum.
- No Hollywood action film script with any sort of romantic story thread–implied or full frontal–can be produced without the express review and revisions by an authorized romance writer. Say like me.
- Romances must have some sort of happy ending. Some sort of inkling and hope that Action Stud A will find and carry off Babe 2 to some safe tropical local where they can make torrid love for the next, say, 60 seconds. At least through the credits. Hey, it might even get people something worth sitting through the credits.
- Just because he loved and lost The One doesn’t mean he can’t fall in love again. Because, come on, when you’re Babe A with one of these guys, you know your days are numbered–much better to be Babe B. Another point in Babe B’s favor, she usually gets cast in the sequels as well. Besides, where Babe A was just loving and pretty, Babe B is usually full of smarts, moxie, and a Babe as well. I mean this is the girl who can not only hot wire your next stolen car for you, but hack into the CIA’s most secretative databases. I mean this is a girl worth keeping around. Not just shipping off on a bus to parts unknown when you know she’s now assassin bait #2. All because she decided to help your sorry ass when everyone else wanted you singing with the choir invisible. We romance authors love the second time around romance. You write your impossible car chase scenes, or why a top level CIA agent would be stupid enough to NOT know his passport has a tracking chip in it, and leave lost love found to the experts.
But if no one is willing to listen to the Boyle Ultimatum, can we at least have one more Bourne movie? So Nicky/Julia Stiles can finally get something more out of this series than a lot shots of her looking seriously neglected?