Since I know there are very few cats who read blogs (most have far better things to do, like ignore you or sleep or weave through your legs when you are bringing in the groceries), it is my hope that all you cat owners will read this short note to your cats, and being the gossipy creatures that they are by nature, they will tell their friends, and eventually . . . well, it will get to the right cat. And yes, I am well aware that cats will embellish whatever I write when they pass it along. So here goes:
Dear Anonymous Cat,
Thank you once again for your kind offering. The bevy of rats, mice and birds that you have been leaving on the patio, deck and on the front door mat, have been a lovely display of your cat prowess. We have even taken note of your artistic nature, as well as your sense of humor: displaying your murderous trophies with the head in one place and the body in the other. Nothing like walking outside in the morning to get the paper and getting to play the game, “Oh, crap, where’s the head for this dang thing?”
Having taken an entire day of Forensics recently and having owned a good number of cats over the years, I suspect you are trying out for a position in our household. Well, congratulations, the place is yours. (On the condition that you don’t try to play the aforementioned game inside the house.) No need to continue to litter my yard with trophies (though I never mind seeing a dead rat or mouse) in an attempt to impress us. We are duly awed by your skills–murderous and artistic.
Please present yourself at the back door any day, and we will work out the particulars.